


Misery beyond Expectation

by HisGlasses



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Brotherhood: Final Fantasy XV, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, IgNoct, M/M, Not Happy, at least to me it is angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 13:59:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12936756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HisGlasses/pseuds/HisGlasses
Summary: Ignis talks with Regis and unspoken love results in crying boys.





	Misery beyond Expectation

**Author's Note:**

> I fear I rushed it way too much but I needed to get this out and I couldn't handle it too well.
> 
> As usual, this is not beta-ed so mistakes might be found.

He had never perceived the way to the throne room to be that long but this morning crossing the hallway seemed like an eternity. The heels of the freshly buffed pair of shoes clicked with every step on the black marble, echoing back several times, making him feel small and insignificant. A mere tool to the Crown. The statues framing the path were looking at him with cold and blank eyes, silent accusal behind their stone lips.  
Ignis swallowed. He had the impression of being strangled by the collar of his shirt and allowed himself to open just the upper button of it. Walking down the endless corridor, he let his thoughts trail over what had happened. 

There had been no particular sign, no signal that he had had to expect this. He had stood up at sunrise, got dressed normally and started reading the newspaper, a cup of freshly brewed coffee at hand. Afterwards he had read through the notes of yesterday’s council meeting, summarising them in a way they made sense thematically so Nocts would not have to struggle too much with understanding. Then, as he had been checking the daily schedule for both him and the Prince, his mobile phone had buzzed. Ignis had been puzzled because normally nobody would call him that early but as he had looked at the display he had taken in a sharp breath. He had picked up the phone immediately.

“Good morning Your Majesty. To what do I owe the honour of this call in the early morning?”

[ _Good morning Ignis. I am sorry to bother you at this early time of the day. I hope I didn’t wake you._ ]  
The voice of King Regis Lucis Caelum had reverberated through the phone’s speaker. Ignis had thought to have noticed a faint twinge to his usual timbre.

“No, of course not. I am usually awake at this hour. Is something the matter?”

There had been a short breath of silence at the other end of the line.

[ _In fact there is. I need to talk to you in person Ignis. Could I ask you to come around immediately? It is about Noctis._ ]

Ignis had felt his body go tense at this bit of information.  
“Majesty, has something happened to His Highness?”  
He had been able to feel the alarm ringing from his own voice.

[ _Not the way you think, Ignis. He is alright. But I will tell you as soon as you arrive._ ]

“Yes, Your Majesty. I will head to the Citadel in an instant.”  
Ignis had been about to cut off the call to get ready as fast as possible. If there was something wrong with Noctis, he had to know.

[ _Ah, and Ignis?_ ]  
The King’s voice had called out for him through the receiver and Ignis had yanked the phone back to his ear.

“Majesty?”

[ _This is actually not only about Noctis. It is also about you._ ]

He had felt his heart sink, the pressure on it rising as if under a watery surface. What was this about? He had had no time to think. The Citadel had been his next aim.

“Understood. I am on my way.”

And this is how he had rushed here. Not knowing what was awaiting him but fearing it to be a grave problem. It had to be as His Majesty himself had called him. And this was the most unsettling part to it.  
Ignis felt a drop of sweat running down his tense shoulders and he yanked a hand at it to stop the unpleasing sensation. He checked his desaturated reflection in the black marble, pulled at his sleeves and realigned his fringe and glasses before he turned around the corner and headed towards the entrance of the throne room. Two Crownsguard members were flanking the door protectively, both being about Gladio’s height. Ignis couldn’t shake off the prickling sensation that they were both glaring at him with judging faces but he couldn’t make out why.

Ignis pulled back his shoulders, lifted up his head and straightened his back.  
“Ignis Scientia. I am here to keep my audience with the King.”  
The voice that always used to make him sound in full control was reflected by the cold and hard walls in a way that made it sound like he was wavering.

As the doors scrunched open under their massive weight, Ignis inhaled another deep breath. The doors revealed the entity of the throne room, bit by bit and achingly slow. His Majesty Regis Lucis Caelum was imposingly sitting on the throne clad in red velvet and to his left stood Clarus Amicitia, Shield to the King and ever at his side. Both of the men’s eyes were fixed on him as he carefully strode along the carpet, the same regal red that adorned the throne.  
He stopped as he reached the stairway and could make out the heavy doors closing as he bowed to his King in reverence.

“Ignis Scientia at your humble service.”

Regis smiled wearily.  
“Ever dutiful and sticking to the etiquette. That’s how I know you, Ignis.”

Ignis directed his eyes upwards, peering over the dark rims of his glasses. A frown started to build up on his front.  
“Your Majesty?”

He could see Regis exchange looks with his trusted Shield, nodding in quiet agreement. It was unsettling. The King lifted himself up and started walking down the stairs and towards Ignis. Walking cane in his right hand and Clarus on his left he looked worn out, a powerful man sapped from his energy by the Crystal, no doubt. Still his pale eyes were vivid and regal, speaking of history, wisdom and strength. Ignis had never found those eyes to be intimidating, but now that they were directed at him, laced with a hint of pity in their corners he was not so sure anymore.  
Regis beckoned him to raise his head with one hand as he started to talk.

“Before I will introduce the matter, I want you to know that I have grown very fond of you. You have become a very reliable young man, Ignis and make me very proud. And you need to know that I don’t mean to harm you in any way with what will follow. I am afraid it is a... formal necessity. For Noctis’ sake.”

Ignis blinked fast, his brows finally creasing in confusion.  
“Beg You pardon but I do not quite see how Your Majesty could ever possibly be hurting me, let alone if it is in favour of His Highness.”

The King huffed out a laugh and smiled at him, gently settling his free hand onto Ignis’ shoulder.  
“Thank you, Ignis.”  
Clarus was just standing silently beside him with observant eyes, arms crossed on his back as the King withdrew his hand again.  
“See, I have been informed that there have been rumours around the Citadel. Rumours concerning my son. Have you heard any of this?”

Ignis barely shook his head.  
“I am aware that the attendants and the Crownsguard are talking about His Highness from time to time but I must admit that nothing of greater concern is known to me. Composure and punctuality are most of them and I am constantly working on improvement.”

“Oh, is that so…? You know, there is one thing in particular that is on my mind since I heard it for the first time lately… Rumour has it Noctis has started dating.”

“This is absolutely impossible”, Ignis shot back, maybe a hint too quickly.  
“I am around His Highness all the time. Something like that would never go pass me unnoticed.”

“Exactly.” Regis nodded slowly.  
“They say it’s you.”

The young man could feel his shoulders and his heart drop in unison as his eyes opened up wide. This couldn’t possibly be. There was no plausible explanation to this rumour. Ignis couldn’t deny that he enjoyed the mere thought of them dating but he would never dare to even take a look in this direction. His deep affection towards Noctis was true but he had trained himself to keep this fact a well hidden secret. Ignis knew his place and also that his feelings towards the Crown Prince were both inappropriate and improper. Thus he had never conveyed them to anybody, which was why this rumour stirred him up more than his King could possibly imagine.  
Ignis reminded himself to breathe and cleared his throat.

“Majesty, ah…” He struggled for words.  
“This—This is absurd. I am his adviser, so naturally I am around His Highness a lot. But this fact does not justify such a… clearly unfounded assumption.”  
As much as he wished it to be true, it wasn’t. He would have known.

“I am afraid it is not as unfounded as it seems, Ignis”, Regis replied with a heavy heart. He held out his hand into Clarus’ direction with closed eyes, as if he was trying to gather strength. Wordlessly a photo found its way into his palm and the King handed it over to the young man in front of him.  
“One of the Crownsguard members came in and brought me this today. It’s hardly mistakable.”

Ignis looked at the picture in front of him and felt his jaw go slack in shock. Whoever was responsible for taking this deserved punishment. The photo had captured a moment, which Ignis had vehemently tried to convince himself of being a dream. Now the memory was flaring up again and lit up his cheeks in a red glow of embarrassment and longing.  
It had happened some weeks ago when they were holding the annual festivities in commemoration of the late Queen. She had loved glamorous parties and after she had passed away King Regis had decided to hold such a party once a year in her remembrance. Everybody would dress up nicely and spend a night of music, food and dance in the Royal Gardens. Of course Noctis and Ignis had been there as well. Ignis had been trying to keep the Prince from getting drunk by occasionally “holding” Noctis’ glass and drinking several sips of it to reduce the amount of champagne. Noctis hadn’t noticed.  
By the time Noctis had had his fifth flute – so technically speaking his third – Ignis had already emptied seven which had lead to both of them ending up tipsy. They had quietly snuck away from where the party was roaring and sat down onto a bench to watch the stars through the glass ceiling instead. Ignis remembered saying something about it being romantic to stargaze with the one you love and that Noctis should be looking forward to do so with his future spouse, whoever it may be. Noctis had answered that it already felt pretty romantic and that there was probably only a kiss missing to make it complete. And then it somehow had happened. He couldn’t recall who had leant in first but he remembered their lips shyly brushing against each other and pushing ever closer until they had perfectly locked in place. They had cautiously started to move and he had felt Noctis’ teeth hesitantly nibbling at his upper lip. Ignis had allowed himself to go with the moment and explore the Prince’s lips delicately with his tongue before pulling away, huffing out a faint pant into the night.  
They had gone back to the party in silence and neither of them had spoken up about this incident ever again. 

“So, I suppose you can explain this to me?” The King’s voice was layered with accusal, caution and sadness.

Ignis bit his lip, attempting to ground himself. He had to focus and get Noctis out of this. He was not to be blamed. Focus, _focus_ …

“I, ah…” He cleared his throat. “It is indeed unmistakeable.”  
He abruptly bent his upper body into a deep bow, almost sending his glasses flying to the floor.  
“My sincerest apologies. Let me assure you that this situation originated from none other than myself. Noct—His Highness played no part in it and merely endured my intrusion into his private sphere. I am… more than aware that I committed an infringement against the Royal Law and of course I will be taking full responsibility for my deed. His Highness is not involved in this at all.”

Regis dropped his hand with the photo and sighed heavily.  
“I only wish you were right, Ignis.”

The young man felt his breath catch in his throat. What was this about?  
He lifted his head to only to see those pale green eyes, framed by pitying eyebrows and lips pressed into a thin line.

“What do you mean?”  
The shirt collar strangled him even more. Ignis had the urge to rip open his shirt if it only allowed him to breathe. But not here. Not now.

Clarus, who had stood silently behind the King shifted with a rustle of his garb, making the ornaments tinkle against another with the sound of glass shards. He spoke up after quickly nodding to Regis.  
“I had my son Gladiolus investigate in that matter. He set up a casual talk with the Prince about dating after a training session, telling him, that he might be planning on dating some girls before he wanted to decide on marriage. And that it would probably be hard on His Highness not being allowed to date and only wait for marriage but he reminded him to stick to that rule. Otherwise he would not only trouble the King but also the Kingdom. _Stay reasonable_ , Gladiolus told him. According to his report, the Prince told him, and I quote: _I know, I know. I am not dating any girls right now, so don’t worry. I’m good with Ignis around anyways. But—don’t tell him. It’s embarrassing._ ”

The throne room fell silent for a moment. The older men had their eyes glued on Ignis, watching him in anticipation of his reaction.

Ignis felt his body go numb. He needed to fix his eyes on something—anything to keep his knees from giving in. The Prince’s words as transmitted by the King’s Shield echoed in his mind.  
_I’m good with Ignis_.  
Rationally thinking he would have brushed it off as self-evident. He was the one looking after Noctis and caring for him in every possible way. So of course Noctis would be comfortable with him around. But right now rational thinking was not even a choice.  
Noctis _liked_ him.  
Under normal circumstances this knowledge would probably have made his heart flutter and bring a blissful smile onto his lips. Right now Ignis was still trying to process what he heard, trying to keep himself together and not start falling apart in front of the man that was not only the father of the one he loved but also his King.

“But… how?” It was barely a whisper.  
“This… this cannot be.”

Regis put his hand back onto Ignis’ shoulder.  
“Well it can, as it seems”, the King said with a sad smile. “Yet, it mustn’t. And I am convinced that you already know this.”

“Your Majesty, I love him dearly with everything I am.” The words started flowing out, stripped of control and swelling with despair. This was not what Ignis had ever imagined a confession would feel like.  
“I know I mustn’t, I do. But it just couldn’t be helped. Long ago I realised that my life without Noct is worth nothing. I would gladly give my life in exchange for his, Noct _is_ my life. I never told him, Majesty. I swear, I never told anyone. I kept this all to myself. I had no intention in laying even my thoughts on N—His Highness, let alone influence him in that way. I don’t understand how this could possibly—“

“Yet it happened.”  
The pain in Regis’ face was obvious as the young adviser looked at him in stupefaction. “And you know that I can’t let that come to pass, don’t you?”

Ignis slowly shook his head from one side to the other. Reality was still not clicking into place.  
“My King, are You… Are You trying to tell me to stop… loving him?”

Regis sighed heavily.  
“No, I don’t think I can ask this of you. Besides there is nothing… wrong with you loving my son. He may _be_ loved, Ignis, but he must not _fall_ in love. We cannot afford the Chosen King straying off his path out of egoistical motives. Out of love. Besides…” The King paused for a heartbeat. “I don’t want him to hurt because of it. What if at some point he might have to leave the person he decided to give his heart to?”

Ignis’ body started to tremble.  
“But, why would I ever leave Noct’s side? I swore to stand by him, always and I keep my word.”

“I know you doubt it, but eventually you will have to let… Noctis will have to take the last step of his task alone.”

The sand brown eyebrows pulled together in despair.  
“Majesty, is there something I should be knowing about?!” He almost shouted in alarm and his voice cracked miserably.

The King shook his head, the most painful expression on his face Ignis could ever remember.  
“There are some things that even I dare not speaking of, Ignis. Forgive me but I can’t. It is… nothing you need to know. But you have to believe me when I tell you that romantic feelings of any sort will torment and bruise him the most.”  
He inhaled deeply and looked at Ignis with firm eyes.  
“I know that it won’t be easy, especially not for you, Ignis but there is no one else I can entrust this task to. You are the only one I can ask this for. You know him best. Please, see that… make sure that Noctis does not fall in love with anyone until his task is done.”

The plea of his King struck him like lightning. A single tear escaped his eyes that were frozen in terror. It felt like he had just been sentenced to death, losing every spark of emotion from his body and feeling it go cold.

“Please, Ignis”, the King insisted, tightening the grip on his shoulders. “I trust you to keep him safe from harm.”

Ignis’ head fell forwards jerkily.  
“Yes… Your Majesty.” His voice came out in nothing more than a shallow and monotone rasp.

Everything else The King and his Shield said to him afterwards just fell on deaf ears. Something about lifting a burden, creating hope and being brave but nothing that really wove together into something that made sense. He somehow remembered leaving the throne room, all in perfectly orchestrated manners that had become pure muscle memory over time.  
It was too much to take in. 

Ignis had returned to his quarters and sat on the edge of his couch, cracking open his fourth can of Ebony with shaking hands. Noctis had messaged to ask where he had been this morning and why the Marshal had driven him to school. He had wanted to know if everything was alright. _Of course_ , Ignis had replied, adding that he would come over in the afternoon.  
Nothing was alright.  
The one thing, the only thing he had been sure to never happen had become reality but instead of happiness it had brought only pain. He had been shown a wonderful glass sphere only to see it being crushed in front of his eyes. Ignis downed his coffee and smashed the empty can onto his table. If it really was the case that Noctis had started falling for him, the only possibility to not make this happen would be to put up a barrier between them. Treat him unkind when getting too close. Care for him but only to a basic amount. Restrict himself and chastise his own fingers when trying to reach out for what he loved the most.  
Ignis buried his face into his hands, digging them into his hair. He tried pulling so hard that he might finally start to cry. He couldn’t.

How could it be that the only way to prevent Noctis from getting hurt was to actively hurt him? And that he out of all had to be the one to do it? What was the King hiding from him? And most of all: what in the world could ever make Ignis leave his Prince?  
It was not fair.

Before Ignis left his rooms in the afternoon he checked himself in the mirror. His green eyes seemed dull and a wicked shadow had built up underneath his eyes and cheekbones. He looked white as a sheet. There was almost no redness left in his face, not even puffy eyes from crying. He hadn’t cried.  
He had swept his hair up and away from his face to symbolically be able to affront the situation better. He also had put on the leather gloves his uncle had given him for his eighteenth birthday. Maybe they would help to hide the gentleness underneath, masking them in exchange for smooth sturdiness and protection from too much self-harm.  
This was what murderers must feel like before committing their crimes. It almost felt like putting on armour to enter a raging battle, knowing one was supposed to fall.

 _Forgive me_ Ignis thought as he entered the apartment with a heavy heart, hardening every fiber of it to make it go fully numb.

Right at the entrance of the apartment the plastic bottles were piling up again and he could hear noises of videogames coming from the living room. Normally he would have sighed and cleaned it up. Not that he would particularly enjoy this but it was sweet to see Noctis come to help him with it from time to time. Not today. He would have to use this against him. He somehow had to tear open that gap out of thin air. _For Noct_ he tried to convince himself. Questioning the King’s words didn’t seem to be an option.

When he stepped into the living room, he found Noctis lounging on his couch and playing a game, emptied bags of crisps around him.  
Ignis drew in a deep breath before he shut himself away and let rationality lunge forward.

“Highness, what are you thinking you’re doing?”

“Uhm, gaming, obviously?”  
Noctis peered over and opened up his eyes widely as he saw his adviser.  
“Whoah, Specs what happened? You… you are so different.”

Ignis frowned. _Focus_.  
“This is none of your concern. Have you read the reports I left here for you yesterday?”

Noctis shrugged, still staring at him.  
“Not really. I thought you could maybe tell me what’s written in there? You know I’m not that good at reading and memorising stuff.”

“I thought you might have started appreciating that I am taking my time to summarise them for you, but apparently I was mistaken. What about the trash flying around in this room? Don’t you think it is time you cared better for yourself?”  
The caffeine started kicking in and Ignis felt anger flaring up in his stomach.  
_Good_. He could do this.

The Prince paused his game and walked over with a confused look on his face.  
“Hey, Specs are you alright? It’s… not even as bad as usually, I promise. I even took part of it down this morning.”

“And still everything is a disaster. I assume the laundry is piling up in the bathroom too, yes?” Ignis was sharpening his words, ready to swing their blades at Noctis and then plunge them into his very heart.

“Ignis, what… What is wrong with you? You are not yourself, did something hap—”

“ _Gods_ , yes I _am_ not myself!” he burst out.  
“How could I when I always have to spend my time around you, Highness? Tell me! I spend practically all of my time with you so how am I even supposed to _be myself_?!”  
The first slash was made.  
“You are asking what is wrong with me? _Wrong_ with _me_?! Let me kindly return this question to you. _What is wrong with you_?”, he hissed.

Noctis just gawped at him, eyes wide open in confusion.  
“Ignis, are you… mad at me?”

“Hell, YES I AM!” Ignis bellowed and Noctis shrunk back, panic creeping onto his face.  
“Do you think it is _funny_ to be cleaning after you? Every single day? Do you think I am actually _enjoying_ cooking for you, having to think about what you like and what you don’t? Do you know what efforts I have to make on a daily basis to not lose my patience?”  
Slash.

“B-but you never told me tha—“

“Do you think that I _like_ having to not only supervise my but also your schedule? Just because you are incapable and spoiled?”  
Slash.  
“It is annoying having to cover up your rash actions, always rushing forward without thinking first! If you show such recklessness as a king the kingdom is bound to fall to ruins at your irresponsibility.”  
Slash.

“W-wait a sec. What has gotten into you?!”

“Do. you. seriously think, that I don’t need any time on my own? That I will gladly give up every part of my life just so you can have company? Just because you cannot make any friends of your own?”  
Slash.

Noctis’ face made it clear that he was hurt but still too thunderstruck to process what was happening. Carefully he approached Ignis, who was glaring at him.  
“Are you… does that mean that this… spending time together always was a nuisance to you?”  
He tried to get a hold of Ignis’ jacket sleeve but the taller boy only slapped this hand away.

“Bloody hell, it is my _job_!! What did you expect?! I’ve endured all of this for a long time. I had to spend all my childhood with you, only to see what you would be growing up into, powerless to change anything about it and I have enough!”  
Slash.

Noctis’ hands had turned to fists at his sides and Ignis could see them trembling in sadness and anger.  
Good. This was the right direction.  
“Hah!” Noctis let out a hysterical scoff. “Then why are you still around?! If I am such a burden to you, you could have said so long ago!”

 _Because all of this is not true, Noct and I love you_.  
“Because I swore an oath to the Crown and I am never going back on my word. So either you start getting yourself together like a Crown Prince ought to or else I fear we are in for a hell of a time because I am not letting you have your stubborn, childish egoistic way.”  
Slash.

“Get out…”  
Noctis’ lip quivered.

“Pardon? I didn’t quite get what you were saying because you were mumbling too much.”  
It was almost done.

“I ordered you to _get out_!!” Noctis half yelled and half sobbed, blue eyes swimming in angry confusion scowling at him.

Ignis straightened out his back, keeping a cold face and bowed.  
“Highness.”

He quickly stalked out of the apartment and when slamming the door stronger than he would have had to, he could make out a dull thud accompanied by muffled sobbing from the inside.

Ignis hurried to the underground garage where he had parked his car before, slid into the driver’s seat and slammed the door. For a few heartbeats he just sat there breathing heavily and staring into nothingness with a deep frown and wide eyes.  
The damage had been done.  
Ignis was thinking about the countless apologies that would probably pour from Noctis’ lips next time they’d meet, even though there was nothing to really be forgiven. But Ignis wouldn’t be allowed to forgive. The apologies would eventually fade and turn into despite and Ignis would try to make himself believe that all of this had been for Noct. To protect him from further harm, to save him.  
He could feel the shell he had built up around his heart crumble to pieces, taking the shattered pieces of the once soft substance underneath with it, revealing nothing but pain. 

Ignis crossed his hands over the stirring wheel, lowered down his forehead and wept.


End file.
